if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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