Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
