Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I currently don't understand fingers.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
