Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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