I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
