so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
