Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
