First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
