I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So much rum. So many feels.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
