my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
