I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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