After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone came in the potted fern
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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