Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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