all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
