I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
