I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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