we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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