So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
