Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize