Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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