We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
