"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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