we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
