Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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