Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
