Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
