1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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