also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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