Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
