Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
