Joe is yelling at the trees again.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
