My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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