Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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