Tell her she can't have a vagina
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
