He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
only you would photoshop your dick
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
