respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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