1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
