I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am midnight drunk by noon
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
