His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
