he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
