forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
