And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
