let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
