When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
