I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
