Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
