You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
