it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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