bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
