man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
