Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
