I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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