Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
