I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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