Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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