My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
