so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
