somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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