i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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