my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was like eating out sand paper
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
