At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
