you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
